Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
You smell like stripper and shame
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
