okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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