Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
