I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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