I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
