I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Operation Purity has been aborted
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
