Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
