youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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