That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
