Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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