I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
