I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think my moral compass just broke
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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