Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
