He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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