Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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