I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you inspire me to be a worse person
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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