I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
