just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You ate ashes out of my bong
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
