So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
