i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
sex in a hospital.. check
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
