I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
