So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
