Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
