he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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