I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
