perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
