He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
