My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
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