so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
