you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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