I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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