can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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