wat bout pragnant strippers??
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Terrible idea I love it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
