this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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