Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
