dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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