I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
