Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
