i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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