booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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