when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
