I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
