woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
