This girl is more easily done than said...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
