Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
