i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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