Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
