I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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