Your dad touched me again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
