So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
