god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
