a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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