I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
